absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
