woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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