i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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