You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
