It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
