Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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