I think I am morally bankrupt
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
