...so i touched it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?