my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.