I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.