Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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