My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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