There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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