Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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