I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
