I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
