i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
