apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
