All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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