saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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