we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
