Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
