dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
