a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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