tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
