a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
