So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
