I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
