sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
