p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
