i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you have to choose: penises or morals?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
