The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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