I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
