She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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