Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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