who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
what day is it and did you see me today?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
