this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
