okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize