So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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