Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My penis needs a shock collar
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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