Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
