We won't sleep together?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
