anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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