is wine microwaveable?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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