i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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