I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
