I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
