well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
