U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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