Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
