Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
