just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
