He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
