U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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