my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
