Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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