Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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