the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
