and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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