grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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