so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
