Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.