Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

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(807): View more from Ontario

I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

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(916): View more from California

He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

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(682): View more from Texas

Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(386): View more from Florida

I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.

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(845): View more from New York

I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte

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(843): View more from South Carolina

The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??

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(310): View more from California

thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races

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