Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.

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  (270): Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high. http://tfl.nu/tn40
  Replies (18) Good night (8332) Bad night (775)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

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  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (7259) Bad night (752)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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  (306): We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now http://tfl.nu/pjjq
  Replies (23) Good night (3907) Bad night (844)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.

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  (860): You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool. http://tfl.nu/a5su
  Replies (11) Good night (3001) Bad night (1149)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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  (970): Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me http://tfl.nu/64e5
  Replies (4) Good night (1462) Bad night (910)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  sick fucks of a feather flock together

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  (406): sick fucks of a feather flock together http://tfl.nu/mkne
  Replies (9) Good night (2255) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions

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  (717): I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions http://tfl.nu/aecl
  Replies (5) Good night (683) Bad night (570)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.

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  (240): I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep. http://tfl.nu/5qdv
  Replies (7) Good night (939) Bad night (452)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out

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  (715): Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out http://tfl.nu/7lpk
  Replies (5) Good night (1321) Bad night (418)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.

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  (843): These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds. http://tfl.nu/t12w
  Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (340)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place

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  (+44): Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place http://tfl.nu/6f1z
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?

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  (708): was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time? http://tfl.nu/ea5t
  Replies (5) Good night (918) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.

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  (219): You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him. http://tfl.nu/eshg
  Replies (3) Good night (1153) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.

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  (248): I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today. http://tfl.nu/eqo1
  Replies (1) Good night (917) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF

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  (248): Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF http://tfl.nu/wktu
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (318)

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