I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.