why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As shirtless as possible
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
