Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again