you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend