if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
