At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
