I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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