worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
