there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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