The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
