I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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