now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
